Acceptance is a key to mothering ourselves and our children
Posted by Gaby Donnell on Thu, May 28th 2009 in Special Mothering Moments
Mama and Counselor Gaby Donnell shares a tender story about her family and an important moment of acceptance.
My 16-year-old daughter Zoe loves to shop. She doesn’t care so much about buying things, as much as she enjoys looking at clothes and thinking about fashion. As the mother who likes to believe I taught her everything, I detest shopping.
In my own life, and in the lives of my clients, I see how a lack of acceptance for ourselves, our children and one another creates so much stress and unhappiness. We even resist accepting what is happening in the moment, instead spending hours wishing for a different experience. At times, we even wish we were someone else.
This lack of acceptance is a huge barrier in our relationships. It creates a great deal of discontent in our lives.
This past weekend my 79- year-old Aunt Sarah came to visit with my sister. Sarah has Alzheimer’s disease and really struggles with her memory. The hardest part is that she is fully aware of this and it is quite embarrassing for her. Sarah’s husband of 62 years recently passed away, and she is now beginning her adjustment to life without him. I watched in awe as she is accepting what life has brought to her now.
Sarah has the amazing capacity to be deeply engaged with life. She is filled with gratitude for each moment. This is incredible to experience. My children, friends and family love to be with her, as she brings out the joy in those around her.
The first night of her visit, Sarah sat on the couch with my daughter Zoe in the middle and my sister on the other side. Together they went through the Nordstrom’s catalogue page by page. They talked and shared their opinions about the clothing, colors and styles. They laughed and became quite animated. I sat watching them and observing my own internal chatter. It went something like this:
”What a waste of time!”
“I sent her to the environmental middle school for this?”
“It’s not how you look it is who you are inside.” (I tried to resist the temptation to lecture)
Then I paused for a moment and looked at their faces. Each one of them was experiencing this moment on the couch, deeply and with joy. I realized it was like the Red Tent. Three generations of women were gathered together with love and acceptance.
I will remember witnessing the moment on the couch with the Nordstrom catalogue as a sacred moment for me and my daughter Zoe, as I could see and take in the beauty of who she is rather than what I wish her to be.
Gaby Donnell
http://www.motherootscounseling.com
