Blog & News

Can I have this dance?

Posted by Savannah Mayfield on Sat, April 19th 2008 in Balancing work and mothering

Savannah originally published this article about juggling work and mothering in the Portland Mamas Inc. newletter.

Last week, Liam was sick with a high fever and a giant dose of fuss. I sat awake for hours in the night listening to him struggle to breath through clogged nostrils, his little body tossing and burning with fever.  This was not the best week for a sick break.

I was already feeling behind in my business with a workshop to plan, Web site content to update, my usual client load and the local TV morning show, AM Northwest, was waiting on an interview outline.

It all had to wait.

I often think of the juggling act of motherhood and self-employment as a dance. Sometimes it is a raucous square dance, swinging from child to work effortlessly and with style. Other weeks require I pull out my best disco moves, inviting my babe to be dazzled by my bustling multi-tasking. And then there are the slow dances. The sick babe who must be in arms, song after song, while my business paces the dance floor, waiting, full dance card in hand.

That thought takes me back to 1997.

I was driving my little beater car in the middle of the night from Austin to Dallas, Texas, my older son Caleb moaning in his car seat. He had chicken pox. I had finals week at the University of Texas, where I attended on a Creative Writing Scholarship from the Michener Foundation. I was driving him the four hours to my Mom’s house so I could sit for my exams and graduate from college. Not only did I not have the resources that I have now, I hadn’t learned how to be a graceful dance partner yet.

I had gotten pregnant with him during my sophomore year of college. He was born in July and I was back in school by the end of August. I hadn’t planned on getting pregnant and being a single mom. I hadn’t planned on the C-section or postpartum depression either.

Flash forward to the next year.

I was on track for graduate school, following the dream I had carried since I was 13. I had my near-4.0 GPA, big plans and a professor willing to make calls to any university of my choice.

Lucky for me, Caleb had the wisdom to demand his turn on the dance floor.

“You have two choices: keep going to school and I am moving out or you can just be my Mom.” His chocolate brown eyes and serious mouth convinced me that if I made the wrong choice, he and his little suitcase would be waiting at the bus stop, destination unknown.

Not going to graduate school was the best choice I could have made. I learned to slow down and pay attention. I got to know myself better and realized that what I had always wanted was not really what I wanted anymore. And Caleb and I even had fun for a change.

Four years later, when I did begin my graduate studies, it was in an entirely different direction and I am grateful for that too.

These days, I am learning to be more flexible. My new motto is: “I don’t have to be perfect; I just have to be present.” Working as a Personal Coach and writing about the joys and challenges of mothering, I have the opportunity everyday to practice what I teach. The pull between mothering and my business is still there, but I have learned to flow with the rhythm instead of struggling against the beat.

Savannah Mayfield, LMT, CEC
http://www.nurturelifecoaching.com