Dropping the dogma
Posted by Savannah Mayfield on Mon, June 23rd 2008 in Parenting Wisdom
Personal Coach Savannah Mayfield offers a glimpse into how she finds parenting philosophy that honors her need for listening to her own inner wisdom.
There is nothing that gets me shaking in my shoes like intolerance. My need for and love of autonomy and self-expression are vital, breathing aspects of my being. When a person, institution or group refuses to acknowledge the FACT that individuals have unique life situations and a right to choose and express their perspectives, you can bet dogma is driving the boat.
I tend to be a moderate in almost every way (except when it comes to intolerance!). My need for respecting individuals and honoring inner wisdom trumps any idealistic version of reality that I encounter. I just don’t think there in one right way to do anything.
Lately, I have felt concerned about how much judgment I experience in the natural parenting philosophies. Often, we only think of dogma as a conservative stick in the eye. But the truth is, you can find rigidity in almost any belief system when you encounter the extreme versions.
We have all seen it. A new mother feels alienated because she elected to have a Cesarean birth (for whatever reason; and is it really any of our business anyway?) or gets a snub from Attachment Parenting advocates because the family bed just does not work for her family. She is embarrassed to bottle feed her baby (even after trying for months to breastfeed) during a playgroup or scared to admit her son is getting vaccinations.
For a philosophy based on connection, a lot of separation is taking place.
There are so many positive, progressive and brilliant ideas in the natural parenting movement. But when it becomes a check list that leaves many feeling excluded from the club, it begins to feel a lot more like a religion than a philosophy that empowers parents. And it is so easy to get sucked in! The longing for a tribe, the natural desire to fit in, can leave some mamas feeling like they better toe the line (or hide the “indiscretions”) rather than follow their guts.
Mothering from the heart (your own heart) can often be a lonely place.
Here are the distinctions that are important to me when considering a parenting philosophy:
* Places the emphasis on connecting with a parent’s instincts and intuition
* Connects with what a family might already being doing skillfully
* Instills confidence and a sense of progress rather than guilt
* Honors the reality that each life situation is unique
* Offers versions or options rather than just one-way-fits-all
Feeling empowered to make choices, comfortable making mistakes, and welcomed to express an individual voice makes for a vibrant, creative parenting community.
