Mama Wit and Wisdom

Helping infant sleep in crib

Posted by Kimberly Bepler on Fri, August 21st 2009 in Healthy Sleep

I have a 9 week old son who will not sleep in his crib. His first 2-3 weeks we had him swaddled, and he was able to sleep in his crib. At about 4 weeks old he started fighting the swaddle so hard that he would spit up, so we stopped swaddling him, but then he would cry whenever we put him in the crib.

We’ve been letting him sleep in his carseat unswaddled the last 5 weeks and he seems very comfortable in it. He normally sleeps from about 8:30 PM to 6:30 AM with one quick feeding around 1:00 AM. We would like to start transitioning him back into the crib, but everytime we try to put him in he cries, even if it is just for a daytime nap or some playtime in it. Should we try to force him back into the swaddle (he is still hitting himself in the face and flails his arms) even though he fights it? Is he still to young to use the “cry it out” method?

Answer

Dear Mama,

I can understand the pressure to try to get your baby sleeping in the crib, but one thing I think many moms would echo regarding your situation: Why rock the boat? Your baby is sleeping like a champ with one short feed at 1. This is quite good for a 9 week old and I don’t know that I would advise you to mess with it. There is lots of time to get him in the crib later, and I think you will find a time that is right when he doesn’t need the security of the car seat to sleep in.

This is not to say that I would advise all parents to use the car seat as a sleep device. It certainly has some risks for the premature, low birth weight, or newborn baby. And too much time in hard plastic devices can shape a flat spot into a baby’s head. But a healthy 9 week old that sleeps fabulously is a different story. We have many mamas in mom’s group that report their baby needs an upright and cozy position to sleep in (the bouncy seat, the car seat, a swing, etc) and they have all come to group at some point and celebrated when their baby outgrew that need.

It might not be much longer, but my leaning is to wait to see if your baby shows you cues that he is not needing that arrangement any more. One thing we know about infants is that they tend to change their story on a dime, so most moms would say enjoy what you have right now; a healthy boy that sleeps in his car seat. Believe me, there will be a time when that no longer works and you will miss it and want it back.

I do believe we are in too big a hurry to get our babies to become independent, and that treating them like babies is fine because they are babies. 9 weeks is so early developmentally that if you force the situation, you will likely have a very unhappy baby AND unhappy parents, even if it accomplishes your goals.

The “cry-it-out” method works for some families but is also controversial. Some newer research is showing it can be damaging to a baby’s self esteem and to the parent-child connection. There is more information in this article by Harvard University. We recommend that you listen to your instincts when it comes to this question.

If you do decide to “cry it out” I would recommend waiting until your baby is older. If you feel the need to tell others he is sleeping in the crib, take his car seat and put it in the crib with him in it. There, now you have a baby who sleeps in the crib! (Don’t worry, most moms are stretching things all the time with their babies too, and it is really only what is important to you and your partner that matters.)

Best to you as you journey through this crazy new mama land. We know you have all the wisdom and can find all the resources you need!

Kimberly Bepler
ABC Doula Service

Follow up question:

Hi,

Thanks for answering my question! The reason that we are pushing to transition him to the crib sooner rather than later stems mainly from the fact that my maternity leave ends in a month and we will have to put our son in daycare, where the infants take naps in cribs. We were also concerned that sleeping every night in the car seat may not be the best for him physically, but I am relieved to hear from your answer that outside of premature or very low birthweight babies that this is probably not the case. I know that all babies are different, but is there a general age range developmentally when babies tend to feel secure enough to sleep in the openness of a crib without swaddling?

Answer to Follow-up question:

I would say my experience has been that between the ages of 4 and 6 months most babies change their sleep arrangment, often moving to a crib or other separate sleep area. Babies are more mobile by then, can control some of that reflexive movement that was prevalent in the newborn period, and also get quite squirmy at night so parents are usually looking for a new solution. Many babies can roll themselves to a position of comfort by that age, and the crib provides a safe place for your baby to explore positions without risking falling or entrapment. Many babies ‘graduate’ from swaddling by this point, and it sounds like what you are ‘swaddling’ your baby with right now is the comfort of the car seat.

As much as it seems like it will be this way forever, I can assure you that things change rapidly with babies this age. Sleep habits go backward and forward at this age, so getting into a rut with your baby is unlikely.

I would also want to mention that day care centers often have different techniques that help babies get to sleep in their preferred locations, so I would encourage you to allow them to influence your son’s sleep setup. Often families are so worried about setting up a routine before day care only to find that the day care center has its own set of routines that work well when you are managing a large number of children. You might even find that they are able to get your son into the crib for sleep when you are not able, and that he will continue this behavior when he comes home.

I am usually pleasantly surprised seeing what babies can do, so you might just take a big breath, and wait to see what is going to happen in the next couple weeks. It should be exciting, and our best to you as you head back to work with a new little love in your life.

Kimberly