Clarity Through Parenting – The Art Box
Submitted by Nona Jordan on Tue, June 2nd 2009.
Category: Joyful mothering moment
It is no exaggeration to call children “live-in Zen masters,” ala Jon Kabat Zinn. I can say, without a doubt, that having Clara has definitely schooled me, illuminating the many dark, cobweb-y habits and beliefs I have to work on. I often have moments that remind me of the V8 commercials of my childhood, with the forehead slapping “a-ha” moment. One recent incident highlights a common way that I learn and become a (hopefully) better version of myself…
The Art Box
About a year ago, I put together a special “art box” for Clara with safety scissors, crayons, a pad of paper and some stickers- an assortment of things that she could play with, unsupervised, as she wished. Things that children love, and that I remembered adoring as a child.
I noticed about a month ago that she never used her box. We were in the kitchen, where she was gleefully helping me make dinner, again, not playing with her art box. I was thinking about the contents of the box, when I realized that Clara had never really used crayons - ever. So, I turned to Clara and asked, “Clara? Do you like drawing with crayons?”
I thought this was an easy question and one she would answer happily, but she looked at me with panic. I said gently, “Sweetie, I want you to LOVE all the things in your artbox - it’s YOURS and should contain all the things you want to use to make art!” She looked at me for a long moment and after that pregnant pause, it dawned on me fully. I asked her, point blank, “Clara, you don’t like crayons, do you?” She looked at me with immense relief and said, “No, Mommy. I DON’T like crayons. I like colored pens best!”
WHY didn’t she just tell me? WHAT did she possibly think would have happened? And then, I looked at my lack of awareness. I was shocked that I had waited so long to ask such a simple question about my daughter’s preferences!
We spent that afternoon putting all the crayons away and filling her artbox with things *she* really loves: stamps, craft scissors, glue, and, of course, LOTS of colored pens.
Although Clara is very talkative, relying on her to express her desires in that way is asking too much. She is, after all, only four. As the saying goes, “Actions speak louder than words.” And this is probably even more true for children. I loved crayons as a child, my husband was a colored pencil kind of kid, come to find out. This was a powerful reminder that paying attention and being curious about who she is in this moment is paramount to her well-being and happiness, and my success as a parent.
Going forward I will ask Clara before I decide what I think she would prefer, knowing that experiencing my compassionate awareness and presence will shape her ability to honor her internal compass as she gets older.
Nona Jordan
http://everydayyogini.com/
