Being in the moment
Submitted by M & A on Tue, February 24th 2009.
Category: Loss and Healing
“Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.” -Anonymous
As Aaron and I sit together this morning watching the snow fall, we find ourselves laughing. How many times in the past three years have we had plans, goals or ideas of how things should be only to be thrown a “snowball?” Far too many to count. From the numerous days we spent in the NICU, to the countless appointments and doctor visits, we thought we had a plan. How our life should be or at least how we wanted it to be. But, life is funny. Always sneaking up and surprising you…...
Today we had planned to work in Quinn’s garden. Pull the weeds, replace broken light bulbs on his tree, perhaps plant a few early spring flowers. But to our surprise there is cold, wet snow. Time for a new plan. What do we do? How do we honor the memory of our son?
As Aaron and I regroup, we are reminded of moments. The precious moments we were allowed to breathe in when we stopped long enough to let go of plans. So many times we found ourselves wrapped with anxiety, fear and what ifs. We became frozen and unable to move as we let fear take over. What if we had to stay in the hospital for another month? That wasn’t part of our plan. What if Quinn had to have another blood test, chest xray or heaven forbid, surgery? Not a part of the plan. What if, for some unforeseen reason, he was to leave us? This for sure was not part of our plan.
But when we stopped long enough to plant two feet firmly on the ground and let go of fear, we were rewarded with precious, golden moments. I can close my eyes and feel the shape of his feet in my hand. I know every ridge of his big toe. I can feel the silky soft sweetness of his hair. Aaron and I both can hear his infectious laughter as we played peek-a-boo. The calm joy that would come over Quinn’s face when he watched bubbles bounce in the air is forever in our memories.
Even now it is the moments that have quietly guided us through this journey of loss, healing and transformation. The moment the hummingbird landed in the lilac tree chirping to us for almost an hour. The moments Aaron and I shared building and planting our vegetable garden. The moment we let go of Owen’s hand on the first day of school.
In honor of Quinn’s birthday we ask that you too stop, let go, enjoy and be in the moment. Perhaps you are running late to work this morning. But, how great was it to hear “that” song as you sat in traffic? Yes, the economy is bad and the unemployment rate is at an all time high. But, wasn’t staying in on Friday night with the family to watch a movie better then going out anyway? Home made popcorn is the best. Yes, it is snowing…....again. But how many opportunities do we have to catch a snowflake on our tongues as we walk the kids to school? It’s these little moments that help define who we are, why we’re here and where we’re going.
I think this day we’ll let go of the plans to work in the garden. Instead we’ll sit here on the sofa, enjoy a cup of coffee and let this moment take our breath away…...
With love and deep gratitude,
m, a & o go
